Thursday, February 28, 2013

Relativity and a Coke

Editor Ron Price once said to me, "The problem with you, Steve, is that you want to direct the world." Well I say, "Mea-frickin-culpa, man!" Or, to paraphrase Flip Wilson, "The director made me do it."

I was getting a take out at one of those small, regional franchise places - Pequito Fresh - a better grade of fast food, but still uniform in look and taste, and dummy-proof in process.  A young lady in her corporate issue knit shirt took my order, then asked me what I'd like to drink.

"A small Coke." I replied, not looking for any trouble.

"We don't have small."  She said, "We only have medium and large."


"Medium or large."

"But how can you have a medium without a small?"

"I dunno." She said dismissively,  "We don't have small."

"But by definition you have to have three sizes to have a medium: large, medium, small.  It's relative, you dig?  With only two sizes, you have large, -------, small.  See? No medium."

She dropped her arms with a slouch. "It's a medium size cup."

"But if you've only got two sizes -"  I stopped myself.  I might as well have been explaining character designs to a development executive.

"Medium or large?"  She asked definitively.

"Is one smaller than the other?"

She paused, then conceded. "Yes."

"Then I'll take the small one." I said.  Check mate.

"MEDIUM COKE!"  She barked to the soda jerk.

Or was I the soda jerk?


Author and friend of FLIP Aurelio O'Brien has a similar tale involving espresso and gnats.  Check it out:

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